Hard day today. It's Monday, company left, back to work, back to babysitting. Back to my every day routine. For a few days at least. We are leaving for Colorado Wednesday night for a vacation we had planned months ago. I'm glad we are still going. We need the time away. A month ago I was so worried to be so far from my mom in case something happened... but I guess that's not an issue anymore. Man it's so hard to get back to life after this. I seriously picked up my phone to call my mom this morning. UH! My questions for her... how do you make this... what do you do when this happens, what should I do when Alana does this... all those things I just would call and ask because she was there and knew everything. Mom's really do know everything. I only hope I can fill those shoes.
When my brother was down and both of my sisters were at my mom's house, scratch that... My dad's house? ... We were able to pull out a few things of my moms to go through that we wanted. My mom had already given me her wedding ring months ago, because she promised it to me years ago. I hung it on my necklace around my neck and haven't taken it off. It fits my wedding ring finger perfectly and it's so beautiful! I'm glad I have it!
Going through my moms things, she kept this one truck with all kinds of stuff in it. Stallings Stars from when we were little, awards, drawings, all kinds of crazy stuff! My mom kept lots of cards that I had sent her over the years through the mail. Reading through them made me happy that every chance I got, I told my mom how much she meant to me. How she was my best friend and how someday when I had a daughter, I could only hope to be the mom she was to me. Almost every single card said that. She knew how much she meant to me, I made sure I told her all the time, and I'm happy she kept those for me. I was so happy to read them again and to take them home with me and keep them forever!
She kept lots of Sunkist stuff (Where she worked for 25 years) and all that will go to her best friend Debbie who worked there with her. She saved a lot of things that my sisters and I went through and took home with us. Little jewelry boxes, jewelry, all kinds of fun stuff. It makes me sad but happy. GOD I MISS HER. It's still not real yet. It's like she's just on vacation right now....
We are leaving for Colorado soon for a much needed break from life. I know I'll want to call my mom when we get there to let her know we are there safe, I'll want to call her when we do something fun, or exciting... cause that's what I do. My mom has always shared in the fun things I did. It's gonna suck to come back to life... but things are changing, so I'll just keep rolling with the changes in my life.
Love to all for being here for me. I need every single one of you right now!
2 comments:
Your Mom is still with you...in all that you do and all that you say...she is with you. You make her proud everyday- she is smiling upon you from that place we call Heaven. It sucks but (at least for me w/my Dad) you will miss her just as much 10 years from now as you do today. That is called reality and reality can be cruel BUT you were blessed. You will persevere b/c you had and have such wonderful parents. Hugs- RM
We are all here for you Jamie. Your going to be a great mother. You learned from the best. As the previous person said, your mom is still with you, looking down on you and I am sure she is very very proud of you. Enjoy your vaca to CO. God bless.
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