Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Mid-week Dland trip

It's been awhile since Victor's niece's and nephews had been to Disneyland so we all went mid-week. It was a nice gloomy day, perfect for Disneyland!
It's tough to be a bug!

This was the first time Alana has seen this 3-D action packed show. She liked most of it. Until the spiders dropped down from the ceiling.... she didn't love that! But I was very proud she did so well.

A few pictures of my little model

Alana and her best bud, Grandma.

This was the second time I'd been on the Farris wheel, it was fun!

Alana loved being up so high and standing on the seat to see everything. My girl is very brave!

Monday, June 28, 2010


Alana spending some quality time with her cousins, chaulkin it up!

Yes, this is random but any other mom out there knows what I'm talking about. The day Alana was brought home from the hospital they gave us this cute backpack with some diapers and fun information in it. This has pretty much been my purse for the last 2 years. Why was I going to carry around a diaper bag and a purse? I put my stuff in here and was always with Alana so it worked out nicely. About 6 months ago I went out and bought myself a purse since I work now and Alana goes to Grandma's. Every day I pack her stuff in this bag and take it with us. Sad to say, it's so torn apart on the inside, and this last week the zipper broke. It was time to go. Grandma bought a cute new bag for Alana so I tossed this one into the trash can... but not before I took a picture of it! Bye bag from the day I brought my baby home. You were great!

Alana hasn't been very interested in Potty training so I didn't want to push it. She's just now 2 and hasn't really been ready. In the last week she has told me almost daily, Mommy, I have to go potty. While she hasn't really gone yet, she is getting really good at asking, so we go, sit and wait and then we are done. It will come soon enough when she is ready.

She even wanted to try the big potty!

Bad hair day.... told you it was randomness.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Pages of my diary

When someone brought to my attention that September is coming up so fast, it hit me like a ton of bricks that it will be one year September 17th since my mom died. Watching the news this morning it's already been a year since Michael Jackson died. It's amazing to me how time has been flying by. Although it feels like it's been FOREVER since I lost my mom, since I was able to sit and talk with her or kiss her or hug her, it hasn't even been one full year yet. Everyone says time heals.... but almost one year has passed and some days I think I'm even worse off then I was before. I assume they are talking about years and years from now. But how does someone ever get over their mom dying when at 30 years old, you still need your mom!! It seems very unfair to me that I have to wait until I die to see and hold and kiss my mom again... that is going to be soooo many years from now! Lets say I die when I'm 90, that's 60 whole years from now! It makes me so sad to think I have to wait that long.
I've been struggling lately with missing her more because everyone says "She's there with you" or "she's listening, just talk to her", "she can hear you". It feels like a bunch of BS to be honest. I get that it's the stuff you are supposed to say to people to make them feel better and to bring comfort and while I really do appreciate that, it's not true for me. Maybe for some people it is, but not for me. I can't feel her, I can't hear her. I don't feel like she's here with me. I don't feel any more connection with her anywhere and it breaks my heart. I hold onto my memories I have with her (which if you know me well you know how horrible my memory is) but it seems like pictures is really the only thing I have left of her. Why do I take 50 pictures a day of Alana or things in our life, because I know they too will be gone or forgotten one day and I'll still have something I can hold onto! This blog has helped me in so many ways remember things that have happened, good and bad. Sometimes I will go back to post with my mom in them just to remember those times or to have happy thoughts. I will even go back to the days before she died and read those. Monday I was so hopeful that by the end of the week we'd be bringing her home safe and sound... it's amazing to remember feeling that way, hopeful for her. Those were the last times I could have ever felt hopeful for her. That was a rough week.
It can't always be this bad right? Time will heal or something like that?? What do I do with myself in the meantime! I concentrate on my life now, my sweet little Alana and my husband and all the great people I have in it. But some how it's all just missing something sometimes. It's sad to lose your best friend in the whole world, especailly when she happens to be your mom. Dark, sad, gloomy day today. The sun is out but nobody's home. I miss you and I can't wait for the day I get to see you and hug you again!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Daddy's Day!

My wonderful husband has been an incrediable daddy for Miss. Roses. The love from a Father to a daughter is so unique. When Victor loves he loves with everything he has in him. That is how he loves Alana. We spent this Father's day at home, Alana and I made daddy breakfast and that afternoon Victor's family came over and we had a great afternoon with them! It was a great day! Here are some of my favorite pictures of Victor and Alana. The reason we can celebrate Father's Day for him now!

Since she was very little they shared reading time. I think that's why she LOVES books so much now!

He has always been a comfortable place for her to rest her head!

Even when it's look uncomfortable....

Daddy dressed her up in his beenie.

This girl has her daddy wrapped around her fingers and she's only 2, can't imagine what the future holds for these too!

Father's Day evening ended with some more reading together before bed time!

Alana has no idea how lucky she is, but she has a best friend forever in her daddy!
Happy Father's Day to all the great dad's out there, and to all the single mom's who get to play both roles in the family! You deserve an extra day too!
Happy Father's Day to my daddy! Love you!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Night out!

To celebrate our 3 year anniversary Victor and I had a night out! Like the last 2 years Auntie Crystal came over to watch Alana while we went out. Thank you Auntie Crystal for our "standing anniversary present".

We went to one of my favorite places to have an anniversary dinner at. Oranghill!

Rack of Lamb, martini's, Creme Brulee, a beautiful over look of OC and great company! Couldn't have been a better dinner!

After dinner we bowled a few games!

I did kick his butt both games! We obviously need more practice!

Happy Anniversary to me!! I've been talking about getting bikes forever, so Victor surprised me with the perfect gift! A beautiful pink and white beach cruiser that also has speeds on it. The BEST bike ever!!! Great, thoughtful gift hubby. Thank you!

Thank you for a wonderful night! 3 years down, a lifetime to go!

3 years down, a lifetime to go!

An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes of tomorrow.

3 years ago today, I woke up so re-freshed in a nice hotel room with my best girls by my side! It was going to be a day that I will remember my entire life! A day I had been waiting for, my entire life. A day that I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl! My Wedding Day!
I had known this wonderful man I was going to marry today for 4 years! In those 4 years we had lots of ups and downs, time apart to appreciate what we have, and plenty of great memories to last us a lifetime. From that Christmas morning he proposed to me we planned and planned and planned, 18 months of dreaming and planning! Days before the wedding were filled with craziness, running around, picking up this and that, making the final adjustments and preparations. Our perfect day was FINALLY upon us!

June 23, 2007 – the morning was filled with my best girls, again, right there by my side, butterflies, happy tears, nerves, hair and makeup.

Victor and I had decided with our photographer to have a “secret meeting” before the wedding. My girls got me ready, zipped me up tight, fluffed my dressed and dropped me off on a corner so I could make my way to the secret location. As Victor stood with his back turned toward me, the photographer was taking casual pictures of him but little did he know I’d be sneaking up on him! I picked up my dress and snuck up on him.

I bumped his hip and he swung around to look at me. Tears filled his eyes as we meet for the first time on our wedding day. This was our “walking down the aisle, see me for the first time” moment. No one else in the world besides us. We cried, we talked, we shared our feelings and took a breath. We stood and looked at each other for hours it felt. We took it all in! It still brings tears to my eyes every time I think about our intimate meeting. I would never go back and do it any other way!

We walked around Fullerton and took some of the most breathtaking pictures. We had 3 hours before the wedding started, to take time and take the best pictures ever! Our photographer had such an amazing eye and was able to find some of the most hidden and amazing little nooks and crannies to set us in. We talked, he took pictures, we forgot he was there some of the time.

We stopped traffic… we were that hot!

Hours of picture taking (with no kisses allowed) we parted ways back to our corners.

My best girls! I couldn't have made it through that day (and most days now) without you!

Our most precious friends and family gathered to watch us unite as one and promise to ourselves in front of God that we will forever remain together. For better and for worse, for richer and for poorer.

I now present to you, Mr. & Mrs. Victor and Jamie Gonzalez, time to party!!!

And we danced… Out there on that empty hardwood floor, The chairs up and the lights turned way down low. The music played, we held each other close and we danced.

And from that moment, There was never any doubt, I had found the one that I had always dreamed about.

The night went on, we visited with friends and family, danced, took more and more pictures, then in the blink of an eye it was over, just like that. Our amazing day came to an end… as all days do. The start of a life together as one! Husband and Wife.

3 years later… we celebrate our Anniversary! Babe, it has been an amazing 3 years of marriage. They say the first year is the hardest, but we sailed through it, they say the first 7 are the hardest and we are almost half way there! Ups and downs and bumps in the road will always be here. We will always be put to the test and it’s how we learn and grow from those tests that will help us get through it all! Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for being an amazing father to our sweet little girl. Thank you for taking on this life challenge with me.

You’re the voice I love to hear and someday when I'm ninety, you’re that wooden rocking chair, I want rocking right beside me.

I never had no one, I could count on
I’ve been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin’, So tired of searchin’
’til you walked into my life
It was a feelin’ I’d never known
And for the first time I didn’t feel alone

You’re more than a lover, There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do.
We just get closer, I fall in love all over
Every time I look at you
I don’t know where I’d be without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You’re my best friend

You stand by me, and you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy, You’re right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble when we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

You’re more than a lover, There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do.
We just get closer, I fall in love all over
Every time I look at you
I don’t know where I’d be without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You’re my best friend

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Three's company!!

We took Alana to see her first feature film on the big screen today! She has been in love with the first 2 Toy Story movies and loves to watch them at home. We thought with the 3rd coming out it would be a great time to introduce her to the movie theatre. I was a little worried about taking her, wasn't sure she'd sit for the whole movie. But we got there early and got a seat at the front where the railing is so she could stand up if she wanted to without bothering anyone. As the theatre filled up (to the brim) there were lots of little kids, even smaller then Alana so I figured she couldn't be that distracting to people with ALL these kids around. I think most people that don't bring kids to the movies know to stay out of a 11:30 am showing on a Saturday unless they want kids galore right?
She was pretty patient for the movie to start, we filled her with the normal movie stuff. Sprite, popcorn and reeses pieces... mmmmm....

She was pretty into the movie!

She did great for the most part, she did have a few times where we had to ask her to sit back down, but really it couldn't have gone any better!! So glad that we know that we can bring her to a cartoon movie now! The movie was GREAT, really well done... a big tear jerker for sure, but overall really good! Can't wait for it to come out on DVD!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Friday, I'm in love!

Victor showed Alana how to dunk her first oreo's! She was in LOVE with them!

She shoved the whole thing in her mouth after dunking!

These 2 flowers are the very first from our 4 trees outside! I was so excited to be able to pull one off and stick it behind my ear! Alana loved it so I pulled the only other one on the tree off for her.

She keeps me going every single day

She loved the flower so much she wanted to keep taking pictures and saying cheese.

Who I am to turn down a picture of her??

She just kept going, so I just kept taking.

She would move 2 feet and then stop to say cheese. I'm going to have to remember the flower thing more often when I want her to smile!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Sheldon Clan

My friend Kristal and her family came to town this week. We worked together at the Hilton and got to know each other really well. We've kept in contact over the years (9 years)... and when they come out we try and get together for a few hours! She has 2 beautiful girls. Kara is going to be 4 this summer and Dakota is just 5 months! I LOVED holding Dakota, she's such a good baby too! I found out I no longer have my "mommy arms" that I had before. 20 minutes of holding her standing and bounching up and down, I had to give her back to mommy.

Alana and Kara played well together. Kara has the most beautiful curly, curly hair and the cutest squesy face!

Dakota has the cutest laugh, it doesn't seem like a little baby laugh when you hear it! Alana kept trying to make her laugh.

Alana was making her laugh for a good 2 minutes before I turned on my video. But she loved to continue to do it! You gotta love this laugh!!!
When leaving Kristals house Alana kept saying, "Had fun with Dakota mom"... she loved the fact that she could make her laugh like that! We'll miss you until next year girly! Your girls are going to be so much bigger the next time I see them. Thank you for the visit!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Water Fun!

Some of the best presents Alana got for her birthday we are completly enjoying already! Our super sweet neighbors bought Alana this cool water toy! It has numbers and pictures and sprays water too! It was a very warm afternoon so after Alana's nap we headed out back for some water fun! This is 1 of the 3 cool water toys she got for the summer!

She had a blast!

Daddy showed her how to drink the water of course, so that's all she wanted to do after she figured out how!

We are in store for an awesome HOT summer!