The Fighting Irish

Yes I am Irish, I don't know a lot about my heritage, my parents never really talked much about being O'Brien and Harps... but I do know my blood runs green. I may look more Italian, but I'm actually more Irish.. strange. St. Patricks Day was always my mom's holiday. After all, she was Patty O'Brien, red hair, blue eyes... Dad always had to remind me that my mom's name was Pat and my dad's name is Rick... Patrick... It was just her day. I remember that every single year she would cook Corn beef and Cabbage for us! There was nothing I loved more when I was a kid! I was going to try to make it myself this year, but was lucky enough to get out of it by being invited to my Aunts house for dinner! It was just as amazing as always and had that comfort factor to it. I will for sure try next year!

This past week has been an especially hard one for me. I've woken up a couple times in the middle of the night just balling my eyes out because I had been dreaming of my mom. This week I cried more then ever. On the way to work, sitting at my desk at work, in the shower, laying in bed. It didn't matter, it was just a lot of missing her more then ever this week. Today marks not only my mom's holiday but 6 months since she's passed. I bet your thinking, I can't believe it's been six months already, right? 6 months without her with me has been a lifetime for me. It's crazy that I feel like it's been sooooo long since I saw her last and so long since I laid in that hospital bed with her holding her hand talking to her. I feel like at this point I shouldn't be crying for an entire week like this... but some how this week has been worse for me then any others so far. So many people keep saying, "You're allowed to be this upset, it's only been 6 months". I know there is no time line on it, but for someone to think it's only been 6 months like it happened yesterday is so crazy for me. It honestly feels like a lifetime! But when you put it in the big picture, she's been gone only 6 months out of my 30 years with her... it really isn't that long. I know I'll have better weeks, and I hope it's soon. To quote the Dixie Chicks and my sister"They say time heals everything, I'm still waiting". It is was it is, but man it sucks. I think this week has to do with turning 30, big milestone for me. Maybe because this week is 6 months and that seems like a milestone... next month being Mother's day? The fact that when I used to get up and go to work in the mornings like I do now, I used to call her every single morning and talk to her all the way to work. We always had so much to talk about... whatever the reason, been a tuff week of missing her tons.

When my mom died 6 months ago, my sisters and I sat down to talk about who we could ask to read something at her funeral. My cousin Chrissy is always a great speaker and someone who might be able to keep it together while up at the mic. So we asked, of course she said yes. We told her to pick anything she wanted. Something that reminded her of mom. She picked an old Irish prayer. I think of it often as it has some great words to it.

Death is Nothing
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other
That we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes
We enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me,
Let my name be ever the household word that
It always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am
Out of sight? I am but waiting for you
For an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner.
All is well.

I cry every time I read it. But it means so much to me. "Whatever we were to each other, That we still are." She is still my best friend in the world.
"Let my name be ever the household word that it always was"... Alana knows who her grandma is and we will continue to talk about her, tell stories about her and always have her pictures with me in my mind and in my home. Always.

This Irish girl will fight another day