Never seen before photo

I haven't been ready to share this picture before today. And why today I'm not really sure. This picture is near and dear to my heart. It was taken the day before my mom died in the hospital. Why I had my camera at the hospital with me that week I'm not sure. I could NOT bring myself to take any pictures of my mom or with my mom because she just didn't look well. And why would I have wanted to remember her like that? I think at that point I didn't know, scratch that, I didn't think she was going to die. One of the crazy whirlwind days at the hospital right before my mom died they made us put on this crazy stuff just to go into her room because her white blood cell count was down and they didn't want us getting her anymore sick then she already was. (Hmmm... hindsight is 20/20 right?) So they made us put on this crazy gear, just to go into her room at one point. It only lasted a few hours because they knew more then we did that no matter what germs we were going to give to her, she was going to die anyway. I've said it before a million times and will always say, I don't know what I would have done without my sister Jacquie that week. She was my rock, she helped me deal with all that lead up to my mom dying. She was the one who spent countless hours with me waiting and waiting. She was the one right there at my side with my mom when she took her last breath. There are no smiles under those masks. Only tears being held back so my mom wouldn't feel bad. I sat in the hospital bed with my mom and talked to her. I know she could hear me and understand every word that I was saying. She held my hand... I took the gloves off and held her hand. It was that moment that I told her it would be ok if she had to go. For the past months I had been telling her she HAD TO fight it. I finally had my time to tell her it was ok with me and I would be ok. The next morning she died. Last night Alana and I had a discussion about mom's. Grandma - the only one she really knows - is Victor's mommy. She's learning the relation between everyone. Cousin's, sisters, mom's, dads. She asked where my mom was. I told her that Grandma Pat was my mom. Alana - "Where is she?" ... Me - "She is in heaven with Jesus" Alana - "What is she doing there?" Me - Trying to fight back tears... "She is hanging out with Jesus looking down on us" Alana - "Grandma Pat is your mommy and she is in Heaven with Jesus?" Me - "Yes Alana, Grandma Pat is in Heaven and she loves you very much" She's almost 3 and I can't even imagine how many conversations like this I will have with her that will end with me in tears and her still not quite getting it. She has pictures to hold onto and if she's anything like me they will always mean the world to her!