The last picture with my mama

Everyone keeps asking how everyone is doing with the loss of my mom... it's barely been a month and a half. It seems like it's been a lifetime without her now. Unless you've lost your mom, it's so hard to understand the feeling of loosing her. Your best friend in the world, just gone. We've all been putting on a pretty good act. But man, underneath it all I'm dying over here. I miss calling her five times a day, I miss her being the first person to know any kind of news thats going on. I miss her hugs and her love. The love of a mother is really unlike anything else in the entire world. It's a love that no one can replace. I have a lot of love in my life, great family and great friends, but it's just not the same. I think about her 24/7. Every fricken TV show that I watch, someone is dying of Cancer, or someone has liver cancer, it's always something... dying mom's... cancer... It's all over and I can't get away from it!

The other night I was dreaming... my phone rang and it was her. I knew she was dead and didn't understand how she could be calling me. I clearly heard her voice, she told me she was doing great. I made her promise she'd call me back, she promised, told me she loved me and then I woke up balling my eyes out. Damn it was SO real. I heard her speak and spoke back to her. It freaks me out because of course I woke up and looked at my phone and looked at the call log, just in case. Man, what I wouldn't give to actually speak to her again. I miss her today, as always. Everyone keeps asking about the holidays this year... I really want nothing to do with them. I know for everyone's sake that we'll do what we always do, but it just won't be the same. Please keep us all in your prayers, we need them.