A Friend of mine

 5 years ago when me and the kids moved in with my cousin, I started walking the neighborhood every morning. It was my time to get out of my head, I would jog, I would walk, skate, bike. Whatever got me out of the house, music in my ears and thinking about nothing! 

It amazing what you learn and who you meet when you are out walking the streets of your neighborhood every day. You see things you would never see driving down the street. You get to memorize all the house and the yards, which cars belong in which driveways and you really get to to know every little detail if you pay attention. There were several people that I would be out at the same time walking with. Sometimes I would stop and chat, sometimes I would just give a wave, or a good morning. 

Rhonda was the exception. She lived in the corner house and was ALWAYS out sitting on her doorstep on a bench in the mornings. It started with a wave, and then a little bit of chatting here and there. She reminded me a little bit of my dad. The things she would say, her mannerisms, she thought she was funny and would tell you jokes, just like dad. She always checked to see how the kids were doing and always compliment me in some kind of way. Most days I would just wave and say hi, but the times I did stop to have conversations with her, I just feel in love with her sweet, kind and spunky personality. After my dad passed away, it made me want to talk to her even more. She would tell me stories about growing up in Erie, PA, living in a flat with her parents and grandparents. Her little brother named Georgie who died when she was just 3. She worked at the Disneyland Hotel for years in some kind of accounting job. Both of her parents had lived in the house she currently is at, but her mom died of Ovarian Cancer in 89 and her dad died of cancer in 91. She has one friend named Helen who lives in Solvang and is in her 90's and other than a few neighbors checking in on her, she had nobody else. 

I'm sure this is what drew me closer to her. Having no one to help her out and me being left with no one to take care of... seems like a good friendship to have for the both of us. The crazy thing is that every morning she was out on her front porch, she would eat on her front porch, go between her side yard and the front porch and then settle into her car in the driveway to sleep. Her car was full of papers and bags and what looked like to be a LOT of clutter. Because neighbors talk, I was told she was a hoarder and lives in her car because her house is full of all the same clutter and trash. You could tell from her front porch that she kept everything, and it also didn't smell great. It was not an ideal situation for anyone to be living that way. 

Rhonda was not very open about talking about it. In fact, it was even comfortable bringing any of it up to her. But knowing she was sleeping in her car, in her front seat, I knew that all of the outside elements was not making it easy for her. When it was cold and raining, I worried about her staying dry in the car and warm enough. When it was hot during the summer time, she would have random people bring her ice to stay cool. She was smart enough to order amazon fresh for food and drinks. Anytime we made extra food, I would bring her down a container so she could have a hot meal. I know other neighbors did the same. I would always offer for her to come to the house and hang out with us, but she never felt comfortable taking me up on my offer. Until one day, during one of the summers when it was over 100 out she texted me and asked if I would come get her and bring her into the house with AC. You know I was on it! I loaded her and her walker into my car and had a nice comfy chair waiting for her in the house with some cold water. I think that was the first time where she actually decided she was going to trust me. She had a problem with trusting people. She thinks everyone is out to get her, or that everyone has bad intentions. In all honesty, I think she has some mental issues. And that's ok, don't we all? That didn't change who she was or how she was living. That week, I brought her in a few days in a row until the heat wave was over. 

Every day I would think about her and worry about her. At night when we would drive by, you would see the light from her phone in the car. Then the next morning out on my walk, I made sure to stop by and say hi, to make sure she was out of her car and doing ok. She would use her walker to get herself out of her car (it was on a slant in the driveway) and walk over to her bench on the porch. This is not a way to live and it was hard to see her like this. There were a few times that year where she would be gone from her house and I worried about her, but neighbors said she had gone to the hospital and then was in a rehab facility because she would have an infection and need a few weeks to clear it up. But then she would come home and fall back into the same routine. 

One day when I was visiting with her she was not looking great. In fact, she said she had an infection. I was checking in on her pretty often throughout the day. She was pretty weak and couldn't get up out of her car herself, with her walker or her cane. I had Victor come down there with me and help me put a sheet around her and get her up out of her car into her wheelchair. I wheeled her up to her front porch in the shade and stayed for a bit, but eventually left her there and told her I would be back later to help her into her car. She was happy sitting there just watching people go by and doing her thing. It was such a terrible situation to leave someone in, but she didn't want help and didn't trust anyone enough to help her. That afternoon I got a weird text from her that made zero sense, so Victor and I headed down the street to see her. Sure enough, she was not very coherent and was making no sense when she was talking. Something was clearly wrong with her. I had to call 911 and wait for the ambulance to get there. They pulled up to check her out and this was not the first or 3rd time they had come to help her. They knew who she was and that she lived in her car. They asked me lots of questions, but of course I didn't know much. They took her to the hospital and then onto the same rehab facility. Again, she had an infection in her that wasn't being taken care of. 

I was able to visit her in the rehab facility a few times and would sit and chat with her to keep her company. She was doing PT, but this facility was not great. It's all she could afford. They give her meds and every time I would talk to her and ask her when she was going to come home, something else would come up. Another infection, some type of arm or muscles issues. She basically could not get herself out of bed alone. Knowing that she was going to have to move from her car to a wheelchair or walker at "home" made me worry so much about her. They can NOT allow her to go home. She really has no home to go to... did they know her situation and what they were sending her back to? How could anyone know and allow her to leave that facility? She is a grown ass woman and can make those decisions I guess. 

She never got stronger, she could never lift herself out of bed, she can't walk without a walker. She has been in this rehab facility now for over 2 years. I've been several times to visit and she would always tell me, they are going to release me in a few weeks. I would worry about it and then not hear from her. I was her only ride home, so I knew she wasn't coming home without me knowing about it. But that never happened. And I'm so incredibly grateful she hasn't been home. She lies in a hospital bed at a nursing facility, eats three meals a day, gets to be in the AC and watch TV. If you ask me, they suck at taking care of her, her PT is a fricken joke and they were charging her an arm and a leg to stay there. She has been there over 2 years and still isn't walking on her own. She is a very private person so she only tells me so much and I only ask so much, because I know she doesn't want to tell me. 

Lately, the city enforcement has been on her ass about the house. 2 years ago when she first left the house, I cleaned up the front porch. I pretty much sorted and bagged things that she would want to keep and then tossed everything else. I scrubbed the porch down, cleaned it all up and organized it the best I could. Since then, the city has come down on her hard. I'm sure it's all the neighbors complaining, which they have the right to do, because there is a lot going on. In her driveway, sits her beat up car that doesn't work and is full of trash. Her porch is "clean-ish" but still has several things sitting there waiting for her to come back. Her backyard has been overgrown in a crazy way with bushes and weeds. Her side door in her side yard has a big hole in it and you can see the trash coming out of the door. There is a lot going on that needs to be taken care of. 

So because I am me, and she has no one else, I stepped in over the last year and took care of things! Specifically over the last few months. I got her side door replaced. Victor and I spent a few hours cleaning out from behind the door so it could even be replaced. Everything went straight into the trash. It was a really dirty and hard job, but we got it done. Then I bid out for her backyard and got a great deal with a local guy for them to come out and clear it out. What I'm most proud of is hiring a guy to come and clean out her garage. It feels like it was going to be SUCH a big job and looking into that doorway, there was no way that Victor and I could do it ourselves. I again, bid out the job and found a guy who would do it for half the price the other junk company would. It took 2 full days but we got it done. Honestly, it felt like it would never end, but at the end of the 2nd day, we were done. I know, I hired and paid the guy, but then I came for the full two days and helped. I was more trying to organize and help to make sure we got it done in the two days. It was fricken hard work and it was everything you think it is. When you see those companies come into a hoarders house and start to work and move things, it was all of that. But so proud to have gotten it done and then we were able to move the car into the garage so it was out of sight from city enforcement. Done and done! She reimbursed me for every penny I spent to get this done, but I would have paid for it anyway. 

I'm documenting all of this because it was such a crazy experience for me. The entire situation from meeting Rhonda, having a relationship with her over the years, worrying about her, trying to get her to let me help her. Actually making progress with her and cleaning some of it up. This is definitely something I have never done before. I hope to be able to continue to help her. Help her get back into her house. Is that realistic? Probably not at this point, but we have made leaps and bounds of traction so maybe... The house inside is full of all the same things, so an even bigger job for a 4 bedroom house. Below is a before and after picture of the garage. 2 full days and 2 of us it took to do it. I cried when we finally got the car into the garage, it was the biggest relief to have a tiny piece of the place done. For now, it was what "needed" to get done. More to come I'm sure.